Whoops!

So apparently while I was all excited about using my cell phone to post to my blog, I forgot to actually publish the blog! I just got on this morning to do the same and realized I never posted Friday's blog. Whoops! Lesson learned: trying new things is great, but you have to be flexible throughout the learning curve!

If you think I'm posting my second blog from my phone purely out of excitement for the format, you'd be mistaken. Although I appreciate the flexibility, I still prefer my laptop. So why twice in a row? Well, as sometimes happens, life smacked me around a bit this weekend. My only hope is that forces in the universe were ultimately looking out for my best interests and this minor physical setback is a walk in the park compared to whatever alternative I was spared.

I've been looking forward to this Hockey for Life tournament for weeks. It's a chance to play with new people, against new people, and hang out with a different crowd. If you know me, I like to mix it up. So this tournament was the ultimate in having fun, getting better at hockey, getting a LOT of exercise, and hanging out with some new people. It did not work out that way for me. During the warmups of the first game, the ice was warm and sticky, a puck got stuck in my skates, and I fell...really awkwardly. My leg twisted as I did the splits, and not being nearly as flexible as I was as a teenager, I pulled my hamstring all the way into the glut. Two minutes left to warm up for the first game of a three day tournament, and I was done. I sat there on the ice and let the cold seep into my muscles...a definite benefit to playing on ice. My husband skated over with a chagrined look, and I knew he'd seen how awkwardly I had fallen. I scooched over to the side to let my team warm up, then got help to the bench, which, being next to the ice, was also somwhat cold. They rearranged the lines and played without me while I cheered...and winced.

I guess the lesson here is best laid plans. It should have been awesome, but ended up painful. Looking back, I think I dealt with it in the most mature way possible. I made sure my husband knew I would be fine while he played (I may have downplayed the extent a bit because he asked if I was sure I didn't want to try it.) I knew if he freaked out, he wouldn't have played and that would have left us two players down, which just isn't fair. I knew I would add emotional trauma to physical if I did that to the team. I cheered for my team and pushed aside the inevitable envy I felt at being stuck on the bench. And every time I started to feel overwhelmed with all of the things I wouldn't be able to do over the next few weeks, I took deep breaths and reminded myself to stay in the moment and let the future work itself out.

That staying in the moment was the hardest, but from experience I knew that thinking of all the things I couldn't was the surest way to hurt myself more. For anyone who hasn't been an athlete or seriously injured, let me explain. When you get scared or focused on the pain, the injury hurts more. You tense up instead of relax, you breathe fast and shallow instead of slow and deep, which makes your body move and shake and hurts you more. When you're injured, the best thing you can do is stay calm. That's one of the reasons people tell the injured to squeeze their hand; it focuses the injured person on the present and literally helps them get a grip. Panic is the worst thing you can do.

And so it goes in life. Stress can work the same way as a physical injury. You feel pain which makes you panic and makes it worse. So, here's how to extrapolate this situation into the teaching world of stress...er, the stressful world of teaching.

First, calmly assess the situation. If you need help, ask. If you can manage to stay calm until it's convenient for others to help, it will make you feel better. (That being said, sometimes the pain or the situation is not familiar and you don't know what to do. In which case you find somebody to help immediately. Don't delay help unless you know you can take it. For me, sitting on the cold bench was better than any other solution and gave me a chance to take stock before acting.)

Next, push aside your envy. At any given moment, someone is in a better position than you. Focus on yourself, not what everybody else is doing or getting to do. I may be stuck on the bench not playing, but they were playing down a person on n already small team. They had to work extra hard, so I'm sure after a long shift they were also envying me the rest.

Finally, frame it in the present and frame it in the positive. Thoughts about all of the potentially negative might-bes can only overwhelmed you and cause you more pain or stress. Take deep breaths and stay focused on the present. What do you need to do now to take care of yourself? Just do that.

Framing it in the positive is something I always do. I don't know if it even makes sense to anyone else, but here it is. I believe everything happens for a reason and that there is a force greater than me in the universe that helps me make the best of my life, including helping me learn the lessons I need to learn to be a better person-my always life goal. So I frame this injury in one of two positive ways. Either I would have hurt myself worse if I'd continued to play (which is plausible-I've had surgery after dislocating my right shoulder seven times. I'll take a pulled hamstring over that any day.) Or I was going to miss a valuable learning opportunity and needed to slow it down, which will result in me becoming a better person in the long run. I'd had so serious negativity the last game I'd played, so it could be a way to focus me on being grateful to be able to play at all. I don't know. All I know is that it makes me feel happier than thinking that the universe is out to get me or punish me. I believe the universe is out to protect me and nurture me. I just don't always "get it" until later. All that matters is that believing it to be true makes me happy.

Spice of Life

They say variety is the spice of life and that trying new things keeps you young. I'm not a great texter...I'm no thumbs, if you'll excuse the pun. I always pay attention to which web tools have apps, not so that I can use them but so my students can. When I saw that blogger had an android app, I downloaded it to my phone, just in case. Well, this is my just in case. My cell phone is enabling me to write this blog and post it which continues my streak of ten weekdays straight of blogs. (If you are going back to check, a few I felt were private, so I decided not to post them. But I assure you, after missing one day two weeks ago, I haven't missed a day since. I even added an extra post and scheduled it to post on a Saturday.)

I am now texting this from my phone. It's something new, for sure. None of the great text message features like auto-fill are available, but I see that spell check is. It's good to get new perspectives, grow, and try new things, even if they seem very small.

I once watched a girl text an entire twelve page reflection paper into a word processing document on her phone. She had some formatting issues and did the works cited separately, but you get the point. Twelve pages! With her thumbs! I've only got a few paragraphs and my thumbs are a l ready starting to cramp!

I had another girl in creative writing who did everything for class on her phone. She said she got her most creative ideas laying in bed. She used her phone to text in a notes program and read from the screen and edited in class.

I'm a typer, no two ways about it. I love my laptop. But I'm beginning to understand the appeal of using a cell phone to write. It's small, cool, easy to move around and even walk with. If I get an idea, I can pull out the phone and jot down a note, i can set a reminder to look at the note later, and if I get busy and forget to write until late, I can keep my writing streak going while my husband drives us to a late night hockey game.

Reality Check

It's amazing how the universe keeps you in check. When your thoughts turn sour and you get frustrated over things not going your way, all the world seems dire and against you until you think you are going to go crazy with frustration... and then, you get slapped in the face with how ridiculous and petty these issues you're struggling with truly are and you get a big, fat reality check.

I've have my fair share of these in my life. It's a tendency of mine to be a bit dramatic about little things. For example, I was just working on a project that requires silence while I record video. First, during the recording the neighbor decides to turn on the chainsaw...seriously? So, I stop until she's done. Next, a squirrel decides now is the time to taunt my dogs--chaotic barking ensues. I stop my video. Then, worn out from her bark-fest, my dog lays down by me...and starts snoring loud enough to wake the dead. I (gently) shake my dog awake and keep shaking her while I record the final piece of the video. Finally, after all that, my internet connection gets wonky and won't let my upload my video to YouTube so that I can put the link in my presentation. Universe, you are killing me!

I actually say this out loud: Universe, you are killing me. That may have been my mistake. The Greeks called it hubris, taunting the powers that be. Perhaps it's kharma or just plain spite. When I sat back down to figure out the problem, I slammed my knee into the desk hard enough to make me cry out--not from frustration, but real, physical pain. The kind of pain that sears and throbs and ricochets all at the same time. The kind of pain where you grab onto your knee tight for fear it might not be connected right anymore, where you roll and moan until you get the courage to extend it and define the extent of the damage.

Reality check: none of those minor inconveniences from your project was killing you. In fact, this excruciating pain isn't killing you. You want to get your melodrama in check now?

Ever since I started playing hockey, I've wondered if the phrase "reality check" was coined by a hockey player. If slamming my knee was an attempt by the universe to check my reality (into the boards, if you will), then who the heck is refereeing this game?

Balance

I walk the line between wanting more and being content with what I have. I think most people do. If I'm being honest, I'm the type of person who always wants more and is rarely content unless I force myself to reflect on all that I have and have accomplished. Then, for the briefest moment, I can revel in being content. It's not long, however, before the insistence that I get to work takes hold and I am once again dissatisfied.

This is an important thing to know about yourself. Wanting more can be a very good thing. It can drive you to be a better person, even when it's hard. It can keep you going when things aren't going your way. It can lead you to question and change and grow.  It can make working hard a positive experience with rewards in the future.

Wanting more can also cause you to think that what you are and what you have aren't good enough. It can lead to petty competition and one-upmanship. It can make you focus on things instead of people and status instead of being a good person. It's why the phrase "keeping up with the Joneses" exists. When you put your goals on status and things, wanting more can lead to conspicuous consumption and potential loss of the things you do have.

Which leads us to being content. Being content with what you have and what you are can also be a good thing. Being content leads to happiness. Satisfaction leads to feelings of well-being. It results in less stress--or at least a higher capacity to deal with stress--and inner peace. That peace inside yourself can lead to better relationships, less anger and frustration, and an overall better life.

However, being content can also lead to complacency. It can lead to getting yourself into a rut that is hard to extricate yourself from. Complacency in a relationship that needs to grow can cause that relationship to fall apart. It can lead you to ignore injustice in the world and sap your ability to stand up and fight. Complacency can lead to a sense of fatalism, like nothing you do really matters because this is all you'll ever have or be. It can lead to feeling like there has to be more, but you no longer have the drive and inner strength to try to get more.

It's hard being a rational, emotional human being. We have so many things pulling us in so many directions. We are all in different places in our personal journeys, so there can be some contention. things can be tricky without trying to balance contentment and desire for more. Here's how I try--and sometimes even succeed--in balancing these two states of being. First, I focus my "more" on my personal growth rather than on things. Second, I break up big goals into small, manageable ones so that I get wins more often. Third, I reflect often and give myself credit for wins, no matter how small. Finally, when I win, I give myself time to be content, to celebrate, to be happy with that win.

Am I always successful in maintaining a healthy balance? Of course not. I'm human. But the journey is a lot more worthwhile when I try.

Perspective

Getting perspective on your life is an intriguing experience. You cruise through your days with a certain outlook on the events that happen to you and the events that you make happen. You work very hard to do the things you do and avoid the things you don't want to do or be part of. You become so focused on you and your life that you don't realize that it doesn't apply to anyone but you...

Except that it does. All humans share characteristics, loves, and passions and we communicate our wants and needs. Even if you think you are in NO way like someone else, you just haven't looked hard enough. It's there--that similarity. And in seeing the similarities, we become cognizant of the differences. It's the diversity of life that shows us who we are, who we are not, and most importantly-through just a bit of self-reflection--why we are what we are.

I say why we are, because as we see other people achieving the same goals as we have, we see why those goals are important to them. We then think, why are those goals important to me? It's not just achieving goals, but all the little things that make up life, like how we eat, how we talk on the phone, how we signal we're done with something. Even the things we see others doing that drives us insane or shocks us give us perspective into our own worlds. Seeing other people do things shows us a new perspective and that perspective gives us insight into our own worlds and choices and frustrations. That insight feeds opportunities to grow and change that might not ordinarily occur for us. We get stuck in ruts in life--work, school, family, house, bills, how we spend our free time. It's good to shake it up. It makes things feel fresh and new and exciting.

So remember--just because someone does things differently that you would doesn't mean they are wrong. It means you just got an opportunity to jump on board and try out a new perspective. If you like it, keep it. If not, figure out what you like better about how you do it and appreciate that you've found your way.

In the words of Carl Jung, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Road Blocks

I've been struggling to finish a project and it's wearing on my psyche. I've tried to-do lists and forced sitting, distractions and self-talk. Overall, it's just a struggle. I know once I get on a roll, I'll be finished in no time, but as of right now I feel completely overwhelmed by what I haven't yet done--and it's destroying my ability to get anything at all done.

I found this video through a TED Talk and I fell in love. It actually made me cry a little in relief. Not only is it important to remember that feeling overwhelmed doesn't necessarily mean it's game over, but everybody feels that way sometimes. You just have to take a deep breath and move through it.

Here's the TED Talk by Ze Frank where he describes the circumstances of creating this little song to help through the tough times. It's a little long (18 minutes) but worth it. [It also has another of my favorite LifeHack songs for when people are getting on your nerves.]

Here is a shorter video, a remix of "Chillout" with images that is exactly what I need when I feel overwhelmed and don't know how I'm going to get things done.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze

Our basic lizard brains respond immediately to threats with one of the following survival strategies: fight, flight, or freeze. Thinking back, I tend to be evenly distributed between fight and freeze, although it's hard to distinguish between them at times. Are you frozen and just waiting for danger to pass or ready to fight but holding still until the danger is closer? I know that I don't tend to attack, I prefer to wait and judge the situation. But I can't remember a single time in my life when I ran from something physically intimidating...

Until this morning.

It started out typically. We recently built a dock down by the creek and I have created a habit of eating breakfast down there, watching the water, listening to the creek sounds, gazing at fish, or relaxing with the sunbathing turtles. It's peaceful, and even the obnoxious squirrel that chatters at me can't ruin the moment. Which might be why my reaction was so extreme.

I brought my breakfast and coffee down, along with a cushion for the deck chair. Breakfast and coffee went on the table as I arranged the cushion on the chair and adjusted the footstool. I glanced up and not five feet from where I was adjusting my lounging chair, I see this.

 

 

 

Now, I'm not afraid of snakes. I actually think they're pretty cool. Their skins are dry and muscly, and I like to hold them and feel them wrap around my arm in the sanctuary of pet stores, zoos, and experts who assure me they are not poisonous.  

 

 

I do not, however, like to be startled. I'd react worse to a scurrying mouse than a stationary snake... unless that snake startled me, like today. Needless to say, I ran halfway to the house before my conscious thought broke through and I realized I was running. My flight instinct completely took over. I have never had that happen before...ever. And let me tell you, it was a trip. When I came back to being me and I had lost those four or five seconds of conscious control and just reacted without thought at all, I was a little freaked out. I guess it's good to know that I've got sharp instincts, even if they take over a bit.

 

Anyway, once I settled down and rational thought took over, I knew that if I hadn't scared it off, I needed a picture to show my husband. I grabbed my phone and went to the camera, then crept back down so as not to startle the snake. I shouldn't have worried; that snake hadn't moved a bit. After a few pictures, I moved my chair back a few feet and sat down to eat my breakfast, albeit one eye stayed on the snake the whole time.

 

So that leads me to the idea of instincts and how overwhelming they can be. I've had kids scared or hurt or angry before and I've tried to talk them down, assure them that they were safe and should calm down. I've always thought that rational thought could supersede even primal instincts. I even accused a kid once of overreacting intentionally when a mouse ran across the floor and he ran screaming from the room. Before today, I believed that he couldn't possibly have been scared enough my a little mouse that he would do that. I owe that kid an apology. I have never been so completely and irrationally caught up in my instincts before, and I now understand that sometimes it's not a matter of self-control; it's a matter of recovering from whatever embarrassing or awkward behavior your instincts caused you to perform.